Create a daily self-care routine that includes activities like meditation, exercise, or hobbies you enjoy.
I think this will be the hardest for me because I have essentially given up who I am as a person to appease my husband. I made sure I was readily available whenever he needed or wanted me. I abandoned my friends and failed to establish more friendships. I have also been so focused on being a mother and business owner for so long that I have seemingly forgotten who I am over the past 3 1/2 years.
Let’s see. What do I enjoy? Or, what did I enjoy before I met my husband? I love to crochet. I love to cook big, delicious meals. I love to garden. I love long bubble baths with a glass of wine and a good movie. Throw in a sheet mask for good measure. I LOVE to travel. Oh, goodness, do I love to travel.
I can see some of these being difficult for me to accomplish. I love to cook FOR my partner. I no longer have a partner. I love to garden, but this townhouse doesn’t have a yard equipped for it. I love to travel, but I want to travel with my partner and make memories together. Again, I no longer have a partner.
I would love to start my day with a cup of coffee on the porch, just sitting with my thoughts. I could use that time to reflect on yesterday while planning out the day ahead. If my son is awake, he can enjoy a glass of chocolate milk with Mama. I need to schedule my day better so I can accomplish more in a short amount of time without getting off task. I believe this would help reduce some of the stress currently present in my life.
Positive affirmations will be essential to me as I heal to reinforce my worth and strength. “I am worthy of love and respect,” “I am strong and resilient,” “I deserve peace and happiness.” He spent so many years breaking me down that I really need to revisit my worth.
Luigi would love to start taking walks in the afternoon. He is so inquisitive about the world around him. That’s something I should start immediately. It would also give my body a chance to release the endorphins it so desperately needs.
Bedtime needs to be a set schedule for me. My husband used to have me up until 1 a.m. or later, waiting for him to get home, shower, and then crawl into bed with me to watch a movie. That left me absolutely exhausted in the morning when our son was awake at 7 a.m., and I was the parent who got up with him 99% of the time. My body needs to catch up on sleep.
I will continue seeing my therapist so I can continue working through my feelings, learning how to accept what happened to me, acknowledge my part in it, and move on. I hope that I can one day forgive not only this man for the pain he has caused me, but also myself for allowing it in the first place.
Boundaries are going to be essential for me, along with continuing to educate myself on narcissistic abuse (and abuse in general).
As I embark on this journey, I am committed to rediscovering the things that bring me joy and peace. It will be challenging, but it’s time for me to focus on myself, my children, and our well-being.
Now, for the three things I am grateful for today:
- I am grateful for my children. Their smiles and cuddles help get me through the day when I feel as though my world has been shattered. They bring me back to Earth.
- I am grateful for my husband. He has opened my eyes to show me what I don’t deserve in a relationship. He has proven to me that you can’t trust everybody you meet. He has demonstrated that you can be the whole package at the wrong address.
- I am grateful that I am now able to express my feelings openly. Before my husband, I would bottle them up, push them aside, and tell myself they’re irrelevant or that nobody cared to hear them. While he still doesn’t care to hear or acknowledge them, I am so thankful that I have found my voice and can stand up for myself in this small way.
